For a year and a half, I prayed that God would watch over my children and help comfort me as I struggled to accept reality. I saw a danger I was helpless to protect them from and that resulted in extreme sadness and a near-complete shutdown.
The danger? My ex-husband’s mother. She systematically poisoned them- the problem was, I knew it but couldn’t prove it… until October. I won’t go into the details here, but I saw things in writing that boiled my anger and brought me to tears and made my heart ache for both of my children… the 14-year-old who had no idea he was a pawn being skillfully manipulated; and the ten-year-old who could see more than he should and his anger and resentment led us to therapy (which, of course, doesn’t do much good as long as the poison is being administered.)
I sent this evidence to my lawyer and prepared to take legal action, nervous about the outcome because if I failed, my ex’s mother would certainly take it out on my children. And it would be extremely easy for her to do because she lived with her son, as she had since the moment I left him.
Anyway, in November a miracle happened. After my ex and his mother fought, she left his house to convince him she wasn’t the problem (this was the day before a therapy appointment she was supposed to attend.) At the same time, I found out another secret: my ex had a girlfriend.
While I’m not crazy about the fact his girlfriend and her son often sleep over at my ex’s house when my kids are there (that is a whole other post) I saw this as a positive because I think her presence has something to do with my ex mother-in-law’s departure. I met with this woman and told her I had no intention of involving myself in any relationship she had with my ex (if she doesn’t see him for what he is, nothing I say would change that anyway) but my concern was for my kids. I explained how for a year-and-a-half my ex mother-in-law has tried to turn my kids against me and how my ex had allowed it. I told her I wanted her to enjoy time with my kids, but I wanted to always be their mom. I bared my deepest insecurity: I don’t want to be replaced.
The woman told me as mom she understood and wouldn’t come between me and my children. I believed her. In that moment, I truly felt like my prayers had been answered.
All these months, I’ve struggled with resentment, anger, frustration, sadness and extreme depression. I couldn’t understand why God wouldn’t help me, but I tried to tell myself God was handling it, I just couldn’t see it. I chastised myself for holding on to resentment and anger, and for my inability to forgive, but I see now that I was being too harsh on myself… I do, indeed, have the ability to forgive because I am doing it now.
But again, that is for another post (which I will do soon!) It is freeing to get this stuff out of my head.